An Open Letter to Reactionary Expat

Dear Expat,

I hope this letter finds you well and that you will pardon me sharing what was originally intended to be a private communication. After writing out the document, I found that many of the sentiments expressed might edify a larger audience. Since our interactions have generally been public, I am publishing this with the hope that you might read or listen along with anyone else interested in the perspective. Perhaps, this could be read as a general send-off to your own retired channel, or simply a larger perspective on where we stand in the modern age.

First, I want to congratulate you on your decision to shift your focus from that of politics to that of teaching and self-improvement. This is an encouraging development at a time when I see far too few things to feel encouraged about. Regardless of whether the current fashion of internet blood sports continues or fizzles out, it is beyond question that those of us from a traditional, conservative, or even reactionary persuasion need communities that encourage growth above spectacle. Moreover, I think it will come as no surprise to our audience that the need for these kind of voices is only compounded by the fact that many of the classic sources for traditional wisdom (be they academic luminaries like Jordan Peterson or religious ones like the mainstream Catholic church) continue to lag behind key revelations that might preserve their relevance in our highly chaotic times. As such, I am looking forward to whatever insights you have in store for us in your endeavor.

I will admit here, out of necessity, that there remains a gulf between our worldviews. You do not share my belief in the existence of living God or the possibility of spiritual and earthly salvation for all peoples. This is an important division no doubt. And some have even asked me to explain why I have frequently cite your content as being particularly helpful my own work.

Sure enough, a mutual sympathy for reactionary ideas goes someway to explaining our affinity. You and I share a rather pessimistic perspective on the state of civilization. We both understand that this particular historical moment requires more than modern man has been trained to give.  We understand that humans naturally do not perform the tasks that are required in order to preserve their civilization from ruin; and that drawing on the philosophical bromides of popular post-enlightenment thinkers, so useful to Westerners in times past, is becoming ineffectual in answering our modern age.

We both recognize what sociologist Zygmunt Bauman’s spoke of as “liquid modernity”, the notion that the modernity has in some sense decomposed culture to such an atomized state that it is nearly impossible for us to understand collectively held concepts like “truth” or “beauty”. The internet has become almost a microcosm of this force, forming a medium that does not so much communicate ideas as it does melt them down into constituent parts of validation and drama. These times are not solid and act like the darkened chaotic waters described in Genesis that existed before the light of God’s reason shown forth.  I think both we see the abyss looming in our future.

But while awareness of the defect of modernity separates us from those like Sargon and Vee Monroe, it is ultimately cold comfort. Pessimism is cheap on the internet today and not remarkable. Rather, I think what is remarkable is the fact that we are both speaking to begin with. Despite our pessimism, we are reaching out, we are calling into the wilderness with the hope that people of worth are listening. You have said in other videos that you are not looking to “save everyone”. But I think that by virtue of speaking to begin with, you have shown that you are looking to save somebody. In that sense, we are performing a religious duty of sorts.

Despite our theological differences, we are believers. We both believe that humanity has a chance and an opportunity to resist the modern age and perform an act of heroism that might cast off its shackles and choose something different. We are believers in hope unseen, something beyond our age that is worth fighting for. And whatever else, those of us who wish to battle through modernity are allies in the struggle.

My hope is that those of us who seek solid ground in the age of liquid modernity may develop the spirit of the amphibian, remaining in a subdued and nascent phase within the tumultuous networks of the digital world until solidity within the culture becomes possible and we can pour forth into the empty spaces to thrive once more. This will not be a passive transition, nor should anyone of an active spirit want it to be passive. It will be a journey of measured aggression, of entrepreneurship, and daring.  It will be hard going, but then anything of worth is.

All of this to arrive a final point. Whatever our differences on the right, and whatever avenues we have for chosen in addressing to the ravages of the modern, we are, as ever, allies if only by virtue of the fact that we believe that the human spirit can resist the forces that are attempting to swallow it whole. Many among our fellowship may falter in their quest for something new. Many will fall away, and many more will rise up and take their place. Those of us who participate in this struggle should not be quick to condemn a hasty attack nor despair in another’s tactical retreat. We should, as always, be ready to provide good cheer and comfort to our friends so that, win or lose, we are reminded that we are not alone.

And if, this hope is ultimately folly, I appeal to the wisdom of the Baron Macaulay that:

 “how can man die better

Than facing fearful odds,

For the ashes of his fathers,

And the temples of his gods?”

And with these words, I wish to you, and to all those friends who may be reading or listening, God speed on your mission and God’s blessing in your life.

Yours sincerely,

the Distributist

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My Bookshelf – 2018

On my bookshelf, I am doing some brief recommendations late this Wednesday night. Apologies in advance for the shaky cam. I will do something in the future with a better production qualities.

The Core Books/Theology

The Catholic Study Bible

Complete Works of Aristotle, Vol. 1

Plato Complete Works

Catechism of the Catholic Church: Second Edition

Saint Thomas Aquinas, Vol. 2: Spiritual Master

The Abolition of Man

The Great Divorce

After Virtue: A Study in Moral Theory, Third Edition

Orthodoxy (Moody Classics)

Fairy Tales

The Annotated Alice: The Definitive Edition

[(The Annotated Hans Christian Anderson )] [Author: H.C. Anderson] [Nov-2007]

Poetry

W.B. Yeats: Selected Poems (Phoenix Poetry)

The Divine Comedy (The Inferno, The Purgatorio, and The Paradiso)

A Modern Reader’s Guide to Dante’s The Divine Comedy

Lost in the Cosmos: The Last Self-Help Book

Beowulf: A New Verse Translation (Bilingual Edition)

The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary

Complete Poems and Songs of Robert Burns

Poetry on Record: 98 Poets Read Their Work 1886-2006

The Top 500 Poems by Harmon, William Published by Columbia University Press 1st (first) edition (1992) Hardcover

The Complete Poetry & Prose of William Blake

Literature

WINTER TALES By ISAK DINESEN 1942

The Brothers Karamazov

George Eliot – Middlemarch

The Complete Stories (FSG Classics)

Wise Blood: A Novel (FSG Classics)

Till We Have Faces: A Myth Retold

The Third Policeman

Steppenwolf: A Novel

The End of the Affair (Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition)

Heart of Darkness

Dune

A Voyage to Arcturus

Collected Stories (Everyman’s Library)

A Confederacy of Dunces

The Master and Margarita

Gunnar’s Daughter (Penguin Twentieth-Century Classics)

Graphic Novels

The Rabbi’s Cat (Pantheon Graphic Novels)

The Armed Garden and Other Stories

Boxers & Saints Boxed Set

Maze: Solve the World’s Most Challenging Puzzle

Through the Woods

Little Nemo: 1905-1914 (Evergreen)

Music

Country Music, U.S.A.

The Sacred Harp

The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress

My kindle (books I like not currently physically owned)

The Silmarillion

The Black Swan: Second Edition: The Impact of the Highly Improbable (Incerto)

Candide (Dover Thrift Editions)

Closing of the American Mind: How Higher Education Has Failed Democracy and Impoverished the Souls of Today’s Students

The Screwtape Letters

Gulliver’s Travels

Meditations (Dover Thrift Editions)

War and Peace (Vintage Classics)

The Canterbury Tales

The Art Of War

The Sirens of Titan

A Portrait of the Artist As a Young Man

War with the Newts

Waiting for Godot: A Tragicomedy in Two Acts

The Name of the Rose

The Coming of Conan the Cimmerian: The Original Adventures of the Greatest Sword and Sorcery Hero of All Time!

The Complete Fiction of H. P. Lovecraft

Bone: The Complete Cartoon Epic in One Volume

Debate with Kristi Winters

This last weekend I was able to participate in a debate with Kristi Winters on the subject of “the sexual revolution”. The debate video can be found here:

The after-action report can be found here:

The full oppo research file can be found, here.

Ye Olde Curiosity Shop: a philosophical ghost story

On the waterfront of Eliot Bay, tucked beneath the “Alaskan Highway”, and a block before the beginning of Seattle’s famous Pikes Place Market lies a wayside boutique called “Ye Ol’ Curiosity Shop”. The shop is undeniably a tourist trap, tacky to the extreme, it is the type of place where a wandering tourist on the wharf might find a plastic snow globe of the city skyline or press a penny into a copper plate with the words “Seattle” on it. True to form, the shop specializes in pirate and mermaid-themed merchandise, even though, to my knowledge, no pirate has ever set sail on the sound and I am yet unaware of any local mermaid sightings, or even legends for the that matter. But “Ye Olde Curiosity Shop” itself has roots that go deeper than its exterior might imply, and it remains, to this date, a touchstone to my memories of the city that I now call home.

Ye Olde Curiosity shop does have a history, or at least as much of a history as an American West Coast city will allow. Founded by an Ohioan pioneer at the end of the Klondike gold rush, one J.E. “Daddy” Standely, the shop originally served as a clearing house for memorabilia, artifacts, and forgeries. Standely, himself a notorious indian trader (in both sense of the word), made a practice of obtaining, and often times manufacturing, relics that might be passed off on prospectors and tourists. In addition to his wheeling and dealing, the man was also an avid collector of rare items and made a po4-ye-old-curiosity-exterior-web1.jpgint of buying any number of oddities (fake or not) that passed through the Puget Sound region in the first half of the 20th century. To this day, many of these items still remain in the shop. No longer for sale, the objects serve chiefly as windows into the strange fare on offer by a snake-oil salesmen in early Seattle. Most prominent in this collection are two human mummies. Called “Sylvester” and “Sylvia” by the shopkeepers, the bodies were procured (and possibly mummified) sometime in the mid-1800s when such traveling oddities were at a premium and poaching bodies was not out of the question. No longer identifiable, the human remains now stand on display behind glass, serving as unofficial mascots of the establishment.

I remember encountering this macabre pair, while on a childhood vacation to the city decades before I lived there as an adult. Then – being about 12 at the time – I was keenly interested in collectible trinkets and oddities, and after completing a rather underwhelming tour of the neighboring wharf, I took a detour into the shop found my way  to “the main exhibit”, where Sylvia and Sylvester stood book-ending a 19th century harmonium and a section of a pacific-style totem pole.

Having never seenWASEAcuriosity10.jpg a “mummy”, I initially found the exhibit rather anti-climactic. These mummies, and indeed most mummies, do not look authentic. Regardless of how “well-preserved” they are in an archaeological sense, they seem less like dead people, and more like the stain of human likeness after all remnants of bodily and spiritual life have been blasted beyond recognition. I remember, there, trying to search for the humanity in the pair. Perhaps, I could piece together what the mummies must have looked like in life, adding on hair, muscle, and flesh in my imagination and until the figures looked like recently deceased corpses. The effort  proved to be futile, but as I lethargically ambled towards the exit, a visceral sensation seized my mind. I now find it hard to explain, but at that moment an image of the larger mummy, Sylvester, became immediately visible; not as a desiccated husk, or even as a recently deceased corpse, but as the man that he must have been once in life. And then it seemed as if there was an essence, as alive as any of the shop patrons, trapped within his dried and mangled form. An uneasy feeling took me as I exited the shop.

This vision persisted long into the evening tWoJmH.jpghat day, returning later as a nightmare. Though I only have a vague recollection of this, I remember that in the dream I had taken the place of Sylvester behind in the glass display, paralyzed, with a frozen gaze peering out across the shop. However, this time, something was very different. The image I saw before me was hardly the lively boutique I had experienced in my waking state. Instead, the patrons were frozen in place with glassy-eyed stares, and it was as if the entire outside world had been coated in a thick waxy pollution that robbed even the woodwork, earth, and outside sky of life. In the true nature of role reversals, just as my life had was now inside the mummy, the lifeless process of mummification had seized the rest of reality and drained it of its essence.

Even after this dream left me, my mind lingered on the fearful notion that what I had seen was prophetic and that this sort of living death in which all of reality is frozen in eternal lifelessness might  be what waits for all sentient creatures at the moment of their demise.

I remember toying with this masochistic idea over the course of the years to come. Perhaps some this persistence owes to a certain amount of self-inflicted psychological morbidity common to teenagers, but aside from this, I found the scenario altogether plausible. I even found the motif repeated in the popular movie “American Beauty”, albeit their notion of this frozen existence was far more euphoric than mine. Gradually, my speculation evolved from a state of eternal living death to the even more terrifying notion that the mind, after cessation, would descend into complete sensory deprivation in full possession of all of its rational faculties. Lost in an abyss of meaningless, measureless tifear-buried-alive-a-and-e-tv-series-live-event-six-feet-under-strange-900x440.jpgme, that would consume the consciousness with madness. It was chilling to think that all humans, by virtue of their life, stood on the shores on an endless abyss that was destined to consume them entirely.

And even years later, I have found myself returning to these scenarios as a point of reference for the examination of the human condition. The reduction of the human brain to an eternal state of sensory deprivation, despite its terror, creates a platonic state pliable for philosophical questions. Certainly scientists have done sensory deprivation exercises for a few hours (resulting in euphoria) and for several days (resulting in depression, hallucination, and memory loss), but what would occur when such an experience stretched out to an indefinite time horizon. Might a mind reach some absolute state where its last memory was dismissed as delusion? And even after the mind re-emerged from madness would rationality be preserved?  Would even the self? These questions seemed altogether inscrutable and so I shifted to easier ones. If not FULL sensory deprivation, what about near sensory deprivation? A mind with access to a gentle binary input  but still in possession of its rationality. What might a brain without experience or memory do with such a simple but consistent input. And with this thought, my mind returned to the image of Sylvia and Sylvester encased in glass at Ye Olde Curiosity Shop and I was brought, rather impulsively, to produce a new philosophical extension to my story.yeoldecuriosityshop_04.jpg

Suppose through some bizarre circumstance, Sylvia and Sylvester are not totally deceased but instead live in a state of rationality separated both from their memories of life  and any stimulus of the outside world. However, we might imagine that their darkness is periodically broken as each mummy experiences a mild electrical sensation whenever a human makes eye contact with their exterior form. Due to the age of the establishment and its popularity, the mummies’ eternal silence will be frequently punctuated by these tiny shocks. We could even imagine that the pair would welcome the sensations as miraculous wards against the emptiness that would otherwise consume their minds. In fact, in recognition of this centrality, the pair would likely deploy their rationality to the task of modeling the phenomenon. Of course, due to its regularity and repetition this task would quite tractable. The inputs could be fit with normalized statistics; paired with a cyclical model to account for daily variation, and a regression model to account for the changes in the shops popularity. With this such a model  the sensations themselves would become explainable, predictable, and even expected.  The mummies would have developed a complete and satisfactory explanation of their universe. One from which their mind never needs to be roused. And to this end, the sudden sensations of contact would seem less miraculous and more like expected happenings pouring forth from a fully specified set of equations. So, even though predictability has been achieved, a certain placidity of existence will have set in.

But then, apropos of nothing, an extraordinary event occurs. And just like my own experience 18-odd years ago, one of the mummies, Sylvester, is  beset by a sensory explosion, his mind is displaced and thrown jarringly into the universe of human observation. For a brief moment he is no longer in darkness and instead sees the lively bustling reality of Ye Olde Curiosity Shop. Human communication, sensory perception, the sights and smells, all become immediately apparent to him. And for a moment he realizes the nature of his previous position and the confines of his former existence. But, these sensations are fleeting, and after a few brief moments, Sylvester is once more lowered into the darkness of his previous state. The revelation has departed, never to return again.

But what can Sylvester glimpse from this experience? One might think it might upset his reality, and upend the way he had formed his explanations earlier. Perhaps he might recast his limited sensations as something grander then he originally thought. He might realize that his incredible experience was a window to a much larger existence beyond anything he could have thought possible and that his mundane sensations were but a shadow of this larger life that he could only catch a the briefest view. But of course, in all likelihood, he might just as easily dismiss all of this. All previous thoughts, all his previous understanding of the universe, indeed his very model of existence was predicated on an observation occurring with consistency and repetition. The extraordinary experience that beset his senses in that one moment will not conform to that standard and its very singular nature would precludes its incorporation into Sylvester’s original model. As grand as the revelation , it cannot be recast as a data-point. And in fact will not even possess predictive power when it comes to the task of describing the mundane system of sensations that make up his ordinary existence. And so, as powerful and as important as it seems to us, this brief glimpse into a wider universe might be easily dismissed and cast into the dust bin of delusional mistakes that might beset a mind encased in eternal darkness.75569-004-3B260631.jpg

At this point, I am sure, my more astute readers will chuckle upon noticing that I have inadvertently traced the steps of one ancient Athenian in a torch lit cave. Nonetheless, for my own purposes, I have found this modern update helpful in its own right; not necessarily for its capacity to illustrate, as Socrates intended, the limitation of the human senses. But rather, and I am want to do, its ability to contextualize the teleology of the human mind.

The confinement to a living death of eternal sensory deprivation, holds a transfixing and terrifying power for a reason. That is that, it forces the function of rationality, and indeed personality, to confront an existence where its own nature is eternally futile. Inside a word free of sensation there is no substance to be grasped or dealt with, no experience that can be raged against or even embraced. And as such, any semblance of personality would be obliterated through contact with that gaping chasm of meaninglessness.

But might not something similar be said, for that mind so confidently in possession of a totalizing model of the universe? A model where everything is either predicted or dismissed as random deviation from that prediction? I used think that there was a massive distinction between this state and that total oblivion, but the thought because it seems this path is as sure an excuse to marry the human mind to an inertia it would have otherwise resisted. In other words, man’s rationality is no less defeated if it is swallowed up by simplicity than if it is swallowed up by darkness. And though we might find simplicity useful for prediction, it can become a jailer the moment it drives out the meaning of that prediction.

At one point in my life, I did think that the development of such a totalizing and simple model of the universe to be the goal of humanity. Of course like most moderns, the complexity and difficulty of obtaining such an end, masked its limitation. And since, I have come to see this project of as not only as impossible but also as foolish.

download.jpgHuman beings define themselves through their contact with raw experience. With surprise, with astonishment, with wonder. The points in time where we are want, or indeed must, toss out our previous modes and replace them with something higher and better. And whether we appreciate these jarring moments of discontinuity that interrupt our existence, they are indeed the key to our humanity. We do not maintain our own existence in anticipation of eternally repeating patterns, or an unchallenged life of stimulus and response. We exist for those moments when reality invades our minds stronger than ever before and tears those petty models asunder. Call them “miracles”, or if you prefer the modern neologism “black swans” ,but whatever we choose to call these moments, they etch the boundaries of our human recollection and personality. And I have long speculated that the true desire of mankind is to stand before this fountainhead of existential wonder, in full possession of our rational personalities.

I will stop myself before this essay diverts into spiritually, but I have to wager that most people, at any some moment of their lives have been taken back  by a strong impression that a person,  or even an object, before them is much more than the material that constitutes its physical existence.  They will then see something in that moment that contains a hint of the eternal, something that cannot so easily be tamed by our pattern-seeking and model-building brains, and something that calls them to a higher type of existence. I am certainly not the first thinker to speculate about how human existence might be much elevated if but we could go through our daily lives with these types of revelations intact in our conscious wills. But due whatever human frailty, they are fleeting. And men and women continue to gloss over these interactions with the transcendent, dismissing them as curiosities, like the human form itself, sitting lifeless among the myriad dross in a wayside city boutique.

YouTube Channel Upgrade

Several of my YouTube videos have been seeing an enormous amount of traffic. This has occurred largely in consequence of me dipping a toe into the internet feud between contrarian blogger Sargon of Akkad and the left-side of the internet. The fight concerns his recent petition to disband “social justice classes” on American college campuses.

I haven’t typically posted YouTube videos to this site since the topics tend to be of a more terse format that doesn’t fit into longform blogging. However, you can find my response to Sargon’s petition here, and my reaction to his debate with academic Kristi Winters here, as well as my reaction her “social science” teachings here.

At any rate, since the subscribership has reached 100+, I have created a video intro for the channel, which can be viewed below.

And, of course, my channel can be found here!

An Idea that Might yet Save America, a Modest Proposal

“Experts” can agree on one thing. 2016 is a populous moment in America. But really, this just means that our proclivity to complain about problems has momentarily surpassed our delusion that American leaders are interested in solving them.

But this perennial problem has been compounded. After decades of mindless culture and plummeting collective intelligence, the nation has finally descended into a state somewhere in between degenerative brain disease and Stockholm syndrome. And, like an intoxicated Titania stumbling towards an unsuspecting Bottom, our country has now fastened its gaze on a motley crew of senile-lunatics and conmen that we call Presidential contenders. It’s all the farce of an Elizabethan drama, with none of the comedy.

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Our collective delusions live on…

It would be one thing if this panoply of pusillanimous politicos had a single idea as insane as their hairstyles, but uniformly their proposals are the same microwaved earwax run through the anal-retentive strainers of every focus group this side of Jupiter. Want yet another round of tax cuts paired with entitlement expansions? How about more drone strikes? Oh – and get ready for a new round of health-care reforms, whether it’s Crazy Cruz-flavor, Hairbrained Hillary-style, or the patented “Yuge Trump” edition.

Frankly, it has been obvious to everyone with a neckline unbruised by their own sphincter that these endlessly propounded policies don’t work worth a hill of beans. Everyone has a different take on why, but for my two-cents, it is nothing less than political cowardice. Our leaders don’t really have the gumption to take on new ideas, so instead we get ever more grandiose versions of the same tired tripe. Surgical strikes not working? Let’s have carpet bombing! Don’t like Medicaid? Well, let’s expand it to everybody! Social security not solvent? Oh well, I guess that will have to be the next generation’s problem.

But there are indeed simpler solutions available to leaders with more robust constitutions. We don’t need confiscatory tax rates, we don’t need to slash regulations and entitlements, and we don’t need draconian new immigration policies.

We just need to ban birth control.

Or, at least ban birth control for people who make over $200,000 a year. For the rich,  illegalize it all! Abortion, the pill, condoms, the sponge, it all must be sent into the cleansing fire of reform. Let the contraceptive-flames blaze ever higher!

Trust me. If you want a path to the golden unicorn-filled fields of true equality, if you want America to once again climb the silver-lined mountains of national greatness, this is the only way. It’s time to loose the latex from the laps of luxury and pry the pill from the palates previously occupied by silver spoons. Yes, that means you Koch BrothersGeorge Soros and Bill Clinton, don’t think I’m letting you off the hook!

Credit Card Wrapped in Chains and Padlocked --- Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

Perhaps only for those of modest means…

But seriously, let’s take our nation’s problems head on. Do you want growth? Do you want generous and solvent entitlement programs? Do you want an unending era of American innovation and military dominance? Well then we need more young people and that means more children. And who better to have said children than those with the ample resources to raise a new generation? Heck, we already know from Tiger Woods and Amy Schumer that the copulation habits of the wealthy can hardly be contained. Take a bite out of their contraception cache and watch the progeny of the prosperous pour forth faster than cocaine from Lil Wayne’s duffle-bag unzipped at customs. I bet the economic boom on baby products alone will be a driving force in our economy within the month.

And that doesn’t begin to cover the cultural benefits. How many times have you heard about the impossibility of balancing work and family life?  Well, this is because contemporary corporate culture is designed by billionaires who are uninterested in raising more than a single designer baby. But, those mindsets will be forever banished by my new policy. No more Sheryl Sandberg books labeling a 70-hour workweek “leaning in”, more new Sheryl Sandberg books about balancing the demands of corporate leadership with a family life that includes 5 kids. And need I mention the likely surge in demand for hyper-educated Mary-Poppins style super nannys? Employment crisis be gone!

But before I get carried away, I will admit that there are some drawbacks. I am certainly not looking forward to Kim Kardashian becoming the next Octomom (though I suspect she will name her new children East West, South West, Due West, Key West, Best West, and Kanye West West). The government would also need to implement extensive enforcement to keep the contraceptives out of the hands of mistresses and other unorthodox outlets. But I believe that this too might be overcome with zealous policing, improved paternity tests, and child support laws ramped up on steroids. In the end, philanderers like Bill Clinton may well have a bumper crop of bastards in tow; but they could always be put to work on Hillary’s campaign.She would appreciate the help at this point.

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Sorry Richie, no rubbers for you.

But I can already hear the whining from the naysayers- “It’s not faaiirr….muh social justice!”

I will be blunt here. This policy IS justice, or at least as close to justice as a political proposal will get. In fact, banning contraception for the rich, is the only solution that stabs at the great hearts of modern hypocrisy. Hypocrisies that persist, no matter how our media tries to ignore them.

The first great hypocrisy is that our perennial efforts at redistribution – be they taxes, regulation, inflation, or confiscation – never really upset the position of the powerful. This is because our current elites do not depend on liquid assets. They store their privilege in social networks, education, and other intangibles not easily seized by authorities. Taking wealth – true wealth- away from the powerful is near impossible in our era of global capital, and privilege can only be undermined with the cooperation of the privileged themselves.

But what better way to voluntarily lighten the entitlement of our elites than afflicting them with their own fecundity? No birth control means bigger families and bigger families mean diminishing-returns on privilege. An Ivy League might accept one family member as  legacy, but ten? Get ready to buy Yale a new football stadium, Daddy. And as 2-centuries of British comedy as well as the career of MC Hammer attest, nothing drains a bank account like a pack of perfidious poor relations. An endless supply of grasping grandchildren is enough to send even the most flush silicon valley billionaire running to his private chambers to count the family doubloons. If that isn’t poetic justice, then I don’t know what is.

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Poor relations, the bane of privilege

And that brings me to the second great hypocrisy of our age. It is a fact that the poor never shared in the sexually-liberated utopia promised by the birth control pill. This has been obvious to anyone who’s perused the demographics of fatherlessness and suicide among America’s lower classes in the last 40 years. In fact, it has taken all the intellectual power of our academy to ignore that plain truth.

Effective birth control depends on lifestyle choices and upward mobility. In short,  you need stability to effectively contracept and this is something that the poor have never had access to. Observe that not many rich people need Planned Parenthood and don’t expect Mark  Zuckerberg’s daughter to ever be in danger of single-motherhood. The sexual revolution was a project of the privileged and -short of sterilization (reversible or otherwise)- there is really no way for poor people to participate.

But before my brief allusion to sterilizing the poor causes the followers of Peter Singer to spontaneously salivate, could I point out the last and possibly most delectable irony of my simple solution? It would -for once in human history- invert the pattern of wealthy people dictating to the poor, the structure of family life.

We’ve seen this a thousand times in the 20th century. Between the forced sterilizations of India, the one-child policy of China, and the recent campaign to shove birth control pills down the throats of Africans, elites have have never once tired of forcing their reproductive preferences on the impoverished. But perhaps it’s time to turn the tables. The wealthy can check their privilege, punt their progesterone pills, and ante up to a lifestyle where they’re no longer in complete control of their reproduction. It might be vindictive, but it certainly smells like fairness to me.

And don’t feel too bad for those rich people. Given the populist rage brewing across the globe, we might be doing them a favor. Who knows, this radical measure might be the only stopgap to a complete revolution, and, in condemning the wealthy to a life of caring for toddlers today, we might be sparing their necks from the guillotine tomorrow (though from my understanding this might only be a marginal improvement). Still, as their descendants multiply, those same scions might be at a loss for what to do with such a great number of children. A difficult question indeed. But if things ever get too confusing, I suppose they could always eat them.

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